It doesn't make sense

Left to right: Kierra, Jen and Mikayla

I really don't understand how I can miss this girl so badly. We live 700 miles apart and hardly ever get to see each other. And yet she is an important part of my adult life. We've been sisters for 11 years. We've always been able to call if we needed to talk. Or more recently, we were able to text each other all of those silly inane thoughts that we would normally share during marathon phone conversations. By marathon, I mean three hour conversations where we pretty much tried to solve every issue in our lives at that time. Between the two of us, we had plenty of those. We never, ever seemed to run out of things to say to each other. I can't remember a single time in 11 years where we were quiet if we were together unless we were forced to be quiet by our significant others for some stupid man-like reason.

She left yesterday. I can't text her now. I can't call her. I can't know she's alive by her Facebook status.
I'm not a very patient person in regards to my own feelings and emotions. If I feel I should feel or react a certain way, I expect me to fall in line most rickey-tick. So I'm anxious to stop tearing up when I think about Jen. I'd like to stop crying in the shower where no one can hear or see me. I'm not supposed to cry. Jen and I don't cry. We're too tough for that. And I don't want her to know that I'm scared to death or that the piece of my heart that belongs to her is a mess. I'm so proud of her. But I already miss her. She killed me the last couple of days before she left by sending me text messages out of the blue, in the middle of the day, to tell me she loves me or that she'll miss me. Another thing we didn't do before the last 6 months: Tell each other how much we love each other. We know. We never had to say it before.

Three hundred and fifty two days to go...