It doesn't make sense

Left to right: Kierra, Jen and Mikayla

I really don't understand how I can miss this girl so badly. We live 700 miles apart and hardly ever get to see each other. And yet she is an important part of my adult life. We've been sisters for 11 years. We've always been able to call if we needed to talk. Or more recently, we were able to text each other all of those silly inane thoughts that we would normally share during marathon phone conversations. By marathon, I mean three hour conversations where we pretty much tried to solve every issue in our lives at that time. Between the two of us, we had plenty of those. We never, ever seemed to run out of things to say to each other. I can't remember a single time in 11 years where we were quiet if we were together unless we were forced to be quiet by our significant others for some stupid man-like reason.

She left yesterday. I can't text her now. I can't call her. I can't know she's alive by her Facebook status.
I'm not a very patient person in regards to my own feelings and emotions. If I feel I should feel or react a certain way, I expect me to fall in line most rickey-tick. So I'm anxious to stop tearing up when I think about Jen. I'd like to stop crying in the shower where no one can hear or see me. I'm not supposed to cry. Jen and I don't cry. We're too tough for that. And I don't want her to know that I'm scared to death or that the piece of my heart that belongs to her is a mess. I'm so proud of her. But I already miss her. She killed me the last couple of days before she left by sending me text messages out of the blue, in the middle of the day, to tell me she loves me or that she'll miss me. Another thing we didn't do before the last 6 months: Tell each other how much we love each other. We know. We never had to say it before.

Three hundred and fifty two days to go...

My Sister

Have you ever had a friend you rarely had the opportunity to visit or even speak to on the phone? But it's okay because you both understand how life works and you know you'll catch up as soon as you get the time? I've had a couple of friends like that over my lifetime. Before the Internet or texting we would go months without talking sometimes. When you have small children and spouses it happens. You just go along knowing that other person understands and will be there when you get time to stop and talk or vice versa.
Well, I'm running out of time. One of the most important people in my life is about to be out of pocket for a long time. I won't be able to talk to her or text her. I can't take off to go see her and the family this summer. I've been pushing my distress down for months, concentrating on school, work, kids, training... Anything but the fact that there is a very real possibility I won't see her again. We have one more week to text each other. One. Week.
My sister-in-law is deploying in a week. I'm proud of her. I understand why she joined the Army last year even if others don't. I understand why she's willing to leave her 4 babies and husband behind for a year even though others refuse to listen to the logic. It's a survival tactic that only a few would be able to wrap their head around.
She's not even technically my sister-in-law anymore because my brother-in-law's best skill is hurting those who love him the most. But I kept her in the divorce, you see. Because never had I met someone SOOOO like me. We figure we were somehow separated at birth. By a year and some parents. We have been through some pretty terrible things together, using each bad experience as a learning tool to be examined and then put away in case we needed the coping skills again later. She actually has a sister, but blood is not always thicker.
When she comes home, over a year from now, we are going to take a vacation. Just the two of us. No kids. No husbands. Just sisters.
I thought this would be much more eloquent, but it's not. I'm going to miss her terribly. I'll spend the next 365+ days hoping she comes home safe to her husband and children. And to me.