Classic

As usual, I've put the cart before the horse. Without knowing if I'll even have the money, I've started pricing out a trip for myself and the Mr. to meet up with friends at the Disney marathon weekend in January. I want to go. You have no idea how badly I want to go. These friends are wonderful, fun people who the Mr. has never met. We all live so far apart (MO, TX, and NY). I adore them all, and the chance to race with them has me vibrating with excitement.
Have you ever been to Disney? I have not. Did you have a honeymoon? I did not.
So what's the problem?
It's expensive. I'd like a new refrigerator. I'd like to get the teenager a new computer so he can record the music he's been writing. I need a new bike because it turns out John Holmes is too small for me. I want to take the kids on a trip, too.
I'll figure it out. It's just a bad time to be worrying about it.
Before I even have the money.

Mini me

Bright and opne

I'm going to try to be like this today:

My new hat

Now I don't have to "do" my hair.

I got a new-to-me camera....

Fall 2010

Fall semester starts tomorrow. I'm quietly excited. I'll have "something" to do. You know, other than swim, bike, run or sit on my butt.
So my first day back will be CIS (some computer junk) and Algebra. Uh, 110. I'm slow. Someday I'll be big enough to do college algebra. ;)
Trying to work out a new schedule in my head. For working out, duh. I still have a half marathon to train for and I want to keep swimming. Swimming is good. I love the water and want to be... A natural. That doesn't really make sense, does it? I'm sort of a natural. I just need to learn how to breathe properly and I'm good to go.
Too bad I'm not a sperm whale. Those things can hold their breath for an hour. That would rock.

No Fear � In Search of Awesome

No Fear � In Search of Awesome

Okay, seriously. Click that link. It will take you to the "Awesome" blog. There are pictures. Who doesn't like pictures?!

Where's the "off" switch?

What the French, toast? I'm WIRED!! I have no idea why. At like 8:30 I was winding down and thought it was later than it was. I folded laundry, took a shower, made my lunch and prepped smoothie stuff for tomorrow. Then, out of nowhere, I'm hyper. Gah! My brain is racing with ridiculous half thoughts. Well, not ALL ridiculous. Here's what I'm thinking:
• I refuse to erase Jen's text messages until she comes home safe. If my phone screws up and I lose them, maybe I'll just sue Apple. Or implement my hunting plan.
• does melatonin really work? And how much would be "too much"? And what HAPPENS if you take "too much"?
• that lady sings kinda nice (I'm listening to Newshour from like 2 or 4 days ago)
• how pissed would Hubs be if I lost my shit and started poking him while he's trying to fall asleep?
• that's just silly because Hubs is uber medicated and doesn't really give a shit. He'd probably laugh at me because that's all he CAN do at this point.
• the teenager talked religion with his grandmother this evening. Will there be fallout? Meh.
• a sex scandal in Bruges? 'In Bruges' was a great movie and I love Colin Ferrell. *puuuurrrr* Ha, my thoughts are scandalous. Too soon? Okay.
• I ran pretty okay today. Wonder if it's because I was listening to that Jesus podcast. Don't freak out (if you know me)... I'm still not buying it
• I wanna go to Ireland
• sometimes I miss TX but then I don't. I need new adventures
• I need to go out to the farm soon. I miss my favorite magical family
• I'm excited about the 5k on Saturday. Am I the only one not whining that it's probably gonna rain? Ooooohhhh I hope it's a cool shirt
• I think The Hooker is right... That fire can't be put out...
• Arizona is stupid
• I need to win the lottery
• damn I forgot to write a blog for English. That damn worksheet frustrated me. Probably because I'm an over-achiever baahahaha! I'm not. Really.
• I should play a game

*NOTE* I'm including the photo below because I like it. That's all. It has nothing to do with anything. But it's fluffy.

Day Three

Well, I ate healthy stuff today. But I forgot to eat lunch. I got busy cleaning and folding laundry and forgot to stop for lunch. I realized I skipped lunch around 2:30 PM. I grabbed a banana and big glass of water and sat down. So here's what I had today:

Breakfast:
* 1 egg, 1/2 avocado on an Ezekial English muffin
* Fruit salad made of jicama, apples, carrots, orange and lemon juices, cinnamon and cayenne
pepper
* 2 cups coffee with Truvia™ and almond milk

Mid-afternoon snack:
* Banana
* 32 oz. glass of water

While I made dinner:
* some Naan bread with roasted red pepper hummus

Dinner:
* Chicken vindaloo over jasmine rice, mixed vegetables
* 32 oz. glass of water

This was my first time making vindaloo. Have you ever had it? I found a recipe and modified it slightly because my guys don't handle that much curry too well. I decided I may have to make this dish often just because I like to say vindaloo. Try it. It's fun. I've wondered what chicken vindaloo was since I was in high school. I used to watch this really funny British show called "Red Dwarf". David Lister ate it all the time. Seems I remember one episode where his vindaloo attacked him...

Skipping a meal is bad news bears, I know. I didn't mean to do it. It just happens when your Sunday is your Saturday and Sunday rolled into one stupid package of "must-do" stuff instead of spending time with my family or training.

Oh, that's another thing. I should have run today. It didn't happen. I just ran out of time. I'm going to try to fit it in sometime tomorrow.

My Sister

Have you ever had a friend you rarely had the opportunity to visit or even speak to on the phone? But it's okay because you both understand how life works and you know you'll catch up as soon as you get the time? I've had a couple of friends like that over my lifetime. Before the Internet or texting we would go months without talking sometimes. When you have small children and spouses it happens. You just go along knowing that other person understands and will be there when you get time to stop and talk or vice versa.
Well, I'm running out of time. One of the most important people in my life is about to be out of pocket for a long time. I won't be able to talk to her or text her. I can't take off to go see her and the family this summer. I've been pushing my distress down for months, concentrating on school, work, kids, training... Anything but the fact that there is a very real possibility I won't see her again. We have one more week to text each other. One. Week.
My sister-in-law is deploying in a week. I'm proud of her. I understand why she joined the Army last year even if others don't. I understand why she's willing to leave her 4 babies and husband behind for a year even though others refuse to listen to the logic. It's a survival tactic that only a few would be able to wrap their head around.
She's not even technically my sister-in-law anymore because my brother-in-law's best skill is hurting those who love him the most. But I kept her in the divorce, you see. Because never had I met someone SOOOO like me. We figure we were somehow separated at birth. By a year and some parents. We have been through some pretty terrible things together, using each bad experience as a learning tool to be examined and then put away in case we needed the coping skills again later. She actually has a sister, but blood is not always thicker.
When she comes home, over a year from now, we are going to take a vacation. Just the two of us. No kids. No husbands. Just sisters.
I thought this would be much more eloquent, but it's not. I'm going to miss her terribly. I'll spend the next 365+ days hoping she comes home safe to her husband and children. And to me.

They just keep growing.

That's my oldest son, Chandler, holding the guitar. He has 3 guitars, but this Gibson SG is his favorite. I took this picture one night last summer while hanging out and talking with him in his room. I'm trying to remember what he looked like then. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about.
They're born these awesome little beings. Sometimes they come into this world early or late, tiny or chubby. Chandler arrived 2 weeks early and average-sized. When women tell you, "You'll forget all about the pain after you see the baby", they're lying. Big time. I remember all the pain. All 26 hours of it. I remember how he scared the crap out of us because the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and the monitor would stop picking up his heartbeat with every contraction. But once he finally arrived, I was pretty sure I had just given birth to the cutest baby in the whole world. I know I had a million plans for him, but for the life of me I can't remember what they were. All of those plans were wiped out when I finally saw his face.
I look at this kid now, a man in the making, and feel a mixture of pride and anxiety. I'm so proud of the teenager he's turning into. Like any teen, he makes questionable decisions, mouths off and sulks. On the whole, though, he's a pretty amazing kid to me. He's a pretty darn good guitar player and is mostly self-taught. He's considerate of others as long as they're not his little brother. He conforms just enough to make him feel comfortable, but has managed to find his own groove and place in his group of buddies. He's smart, too, but he tries to hide that from everyone. No joke, parent teacher conferences for this kid are a breeze and consist mainly of the teachers telling me how smart and quiet he is.
My tiny little baby is now 5'7", 130-ish pounds and his tiny little voice is changing. His hair is almost as long as mine and he straightens it because he can't stand the way it curls up at the ends. He doesn't need me to wash his little face, teach him to walk or get him a glass for milk anymore. I guide him the best I can and listen to his thoughts and music at every opportunity he gives me.

Voodoo

"What do you dream about? Explain a dream you've had recently without using the words 'I' or 'me'."

Bodies are moving separately in unison, wrapped in an infectious rhythm interpreted by feet that follow an instinctual pattern over warm, dusty earth. Songs never before heard, words in a language never spoken, come forth while arms are lifted up to the night sky. It smells of fire and power, confidence and fear. The cotton dress that once fluttered in a breeze is clinging to shiny, cinnamon skin. The drums speak to the deepest part of the soul where nothing modern has ever been and sensibility has never touched. Eyes closed in prayer to ancient Loa and relatives long passed are suddenly open, fevered and unfocused, filled with expectant hope, reflecting the dancing firelight. A quiet whimper becomes a primal howl loosed from a secret place...

Shift

My legs sway underneath me as if I were a small dinghy lazily dipping ever so slightly from side to side as the tide rolls gently through.
Or maybe they were swaying to the deep, meaningful beat coming from my soul forcing me to move beyond where I was at that moment.
A rhythm pulling on the deepest, most honest me for that moment and all time.
Dazzling in its elaborate simplicity lay before me the next floor up in this spiritual skyscraper. On a plane I've only abstractly imagined was real in a world I was longing to feel.
The secret is in the middle.
Swirling eddies of passion are born from tranquil places suddenly awoken from a nap. Stirrings of possibilities. With no thought. No reservations.
The fire is discovering new twists and turns throughout, igniting tender that has always been there but ignored. I am warmed, humbled and empowered like I've never known. Sensing a rhythm to my being that I've never truly felt or tasted. Something so deep I'm held to that rhythm now. Even as I lie here, trying to be still, my feet glide back and forth in a slow, luxurious dance while my legs sing songs of power with the grace and softness of falling snow.

Hello, Monday

I'm pretending Mondays rock so that it doesn't try to take me down halfway through. I sure wish Monday automatically came with sunshine...

Peace

Birdseed falling among fluttering wings while the feeder gently rocks to and fro.

I wonder how much longer before that one falls in. 

Today it’s a gush from the melting snow and I can see how loud it is. 

A break in the colors showing me warm sunshine.

Dark and moist and inviting for bare feet. 

This is what peace feels like. Peace is becoming a part of it all.

Under the toadstool...mushroom...toadstool...I don't know

I took this picture the day I acquired John Holmes. John is my bicycle. He's my beautiful, faithful steed. John and I have big plans this year. We are most definitely going to complete at least one triathlon this summer. Yuppers. We are looking forward to it. I'll include a photo of him so he doesn't get jealous.
Anyway, I took this photo that day. I was taking pictures of John to show off on Facebook and Twitter. When I kneeled down to take a photo of the brand, I saw this toadstool. Or is it a mushroom? I really have no idea what the difference is. So I finished taking pictures of John and then moved on to this cool little thing. I love macrophotography. I'm not too bad at it. You can check out some of my stuff if you scroll down and click the zebras.
Can't you just imagine sitting under a toadstool? How neat would that be? All shaded and undercover? Nestled in the cool, green grass watching the world go by? I think that would be spectacularly awesome.