The argument: BMW vs. Mercedes
The setting: Bowling
“Dude, you can go first. So I think I’m going with the Mercedes.”
“I don’t want to go first. I’m still trying to find a ball. Why Mercedes? I told you BMW was the way to go.”
“Oh, good gravy. How hard is it to find a ball your fingers fit in? Hurry up!”
“Calm down. Why Mercedes? Where have you been shopping? Did you even drive a BMW?”
“Of course I did. Geez, you’re slow. And I already put your name in the computer. I don’t know how to change it. Why are you so pro-BMW anyway?”
“I like the way they look. Sleek. And the headlights are meaner.”
“THAT’S why you like them? It’s purely aesthetic?That is not a good reason to buy a car. It needs to run. It needs to be reliable. How it looks isn’t going to save you in a crash. Good, you have a ball. Now go.”
“Sweet! Opening with a strike, fool! Looks DO matter, you know. I just think BMW’s project a younger way of thinking. Mercedes are pretty, too. But I see them as more for older people. BMW’s are perfect for the young professional. I’m sure they are just as reliable as Mercedes. Good job.”
“Whatever, it’s a spare. Young professionals, huh? “
“Yeah, sure. Chicks dig BMW’s, too. And I think they’re cheaper. YES! That’s two…”
“Okay, cheaper makes sense. But I don’t need chicks to dig my car. I already have a girlfriend. Damn, a 7/10 split? I suck at these.”
“You got this. All I’m saying is that if I was in the market to buy a nice, high end, German engineered car, I would go with BMW. See? Told you you had this.”
“Yea, yea, yea. I guess I’ll go by the BMW dealer when we leave here. And then decide. I really liked the Mercedes, though. It had heated seats.”
“Oh, so aesthetics aren’t a good reason but heated seats are? You’re goofy. That’s a turkey. I thought you said you had already driven a BMW?”
“I did. It was Teresa’s dad’s car. But he’s not a young professional.”
Bodies are moving separately in unison, wrapped in an infectious rhythm interpreted by feet that follow an instinctual pattern over warm, dusty earth. Songs never before heard, words in a language never spoken, come forth while arms are lifted up to the night sky. It smells of fire and power, confidence and fear. The cotton dress that once fluttered in a breeze is clinging to shiny, cinnamon skin. The drums speak to the deepest part of the soul where nothing modern has ever been and sensibility has never touched. Eyes closed in prayer to ancient Loa and relatives long passed are suddenly open, fevered and unfocused, filled with expectant hope, reflecting the dancing firelight. A quiet whimper becomes a primal howl loosed from a secret place...
3/12 Assignment: Use as many of the slang words the class came up with to write a story. So, here it is...
A Dude Named Boo
In a fantabulous far away land, there lived a dude. A dude named Boo. Boo was a ginormous juicehead who liked to get wasted. He totally stayed away from the cancer sticks, though because they were a total bummer, yo. Smoking cancer sticks made him yack all over the place. Boo first started swelling up in the Army from having to hike up and down mountains in full battle rattle. That will bulk a guy up, fo’ sho’.
Boo was a cracker jack lifter and wicked good tanner just like is broseph, Spanks. Spanks was from Texas and had this sweet habit of saying “yee-haw!” after a sick workout. Spanks was a huge goober, but Boo like the way he talked trash. If they stuck together there’s no way they would ever get smushy.
Boo’s girlfriend, Kitty, spent her days surfing tubular curls. Spanglish was her native tongue and Boo loved it. Everytime he saw her he thought, “Schwing!” and he felt a little funny. Sometimes he called her Boo Boo instead of Kitty but if she was sad he would call her Boo Boo Kitty because of the way she would stick out her sick bottom lip and pout.
Kitty was always trying to get Boo to lay off the booze and find more natural highs. She wanted him to chill with her without that toxic crap in him. Finally, she had enough and let him have it when he came to pick her up from the beach.
“’Sup, Kitty? Fun today?”
“Don’t you ‘sup me, boy. You’re wasted on shnazberry wine, aren’t you? Been hanging out with your homies straight drinkin’ all day, huh? Probably at Spanks’ apartment that smells oh so rank.”
“Holy shitaake, Boo Boo Kitty! Now you goin’ all church on me? Dang. And I was gonna take you out to that new sushi joint, too.”
“Psshhh. No you wasn’t, fool! You planned to sit around all night watching TV until that mac-attack hits and you roll out for some nasty burgers.”
“Bull honkey! I was totally taking you out. Fo’ shizzle! I already made reservations! I’m not drunk, woman!”
“For real? Dang. I’m sorry. My bad.”
“No worries, Boo Boo Kitty. I know you get bent because you love me. Now get in the cream corn car, girl.”
“Oh snap! Okay. But no shenanigans!”
3/15 Assignment: Now translate your slang story.
A Man Named Boo
In a far away land, there lived a man. A man named Boo. Boo was a rather large, bulky man and quite obviously enhanced by steroids. He originally bulked up when he was in the Army, mostly due to hiking so many miles in full tactical gear.
Among Boo’s numerous addictions were drinking to excess, weight lifting and tanning, and he usually did these things with his best friend, Spanks. Spanks was from Texas and amused Boo to no end. They always worked out together because neither of them could stand the idea of not having what they defined as perfectly muscled bodies.
Boo also had a girlfriend, Kitty, who spent her days surfing. Due to her Hispanic heritage, Kitty spoke an interesting mix of Spanish and English that was music to Boo’s ears. He loved Kitty very much and just seeing her would improve his day by leaps and bounds. He had nicknames for her, and which one he used would depend on her mood. If she was sad, she would pout which is why he sometimes called her Boo Boo Kitty.
Kitty loved Boo and wanted him to take better care of himself. She tried to teach him healthy, alternative highs, but he was having none of it. One day, she finally had enough and started a fight with him when he picked her up from the beach.
“Hi, Kitty. Did you have fun surfing today?”
“Don’t ‘Hi’ me.You’re drunk aren’t you? Have you been at Spanks’ smelly apartment drinking with your friends all day?”
“Why are you being this way, Kitty? I came to pick you up and take you to dinner at the new sushi restaurant.”
“I doubt that. It seems more likely you planned to sit at home all night watching television and eating McDonald’s.”
“Kitty, I promise you, I am not drunk and I already made reservations at the sushi restaurant for us.”
“You promise? Really? I’m sorry, Boo.”
“It’s okay, Kitty. I know you love me and worry about you. Now get in the car so we can go to dinner, okay?”
“Okay, Boo.”
It's a sparkly-clear, blue sky kind of day. It smells cold and crisp. Energy crackles through the air. Muffled clapping from hands sheathed in gloves and mittens mixes in with "Good job! You're almost there!", whistles and cowbells. So many smiles all around for everyone going by. About 10 yards from the girls with the cowbells, not far from a yellow barrier on the left, is a woman in a heavy coat, winter hat and safety vest. She's also clapping and waving people on. To the right, you can see people standing close together like they are trying to keep warm while they watch for something in excited anticipation. The long shadows are a testament to the early hour of the morning. There's a girl coming this way. The girl is me. I was running. In search of awesome. I found a piece of it that day in the Bass Pro Halloween 2009 5K. I had signed up for this race, my first race ever, to make sure I stuck with a running program. I was afraid that without a goal, I wouldn't follow through with running. What is life without goals, right? It was cold and bright that morning. I had my leg wrapped, but wore capri pants so I wouldn't over heat. My gloves and my shoes made me especially happy that day because my gloves looks like gorilla hands and my mom says my shoes make my feet look like gorilla feet. Sunglasses, tech shirt and purple headband complete my not-so-fashionable running ensemble. At the start, I was so nervous. There were so many people there, though, that I quickly forgot about nerves and just started watching other people. Some were wearing costumes that made me giggle. Some were wearing costumes that made me think, "Oh come on, I can surely beat that person". I fell into a rhythm after the 2nd turn. I was having so much fun just listening to my iPod and watching others go past me. Suppressing a giggly feeling when I was able to pass up someone else. The cold from the pavement seeped into my shoes through the ultra thin rubber soles of my Five Fingers, numbing my feet within 5 minutes. I did really well in this race, especially for being my very first ever. I ran that first 5K in 35:01, placing 21st in my age group. Right on. This was what I see as a beginning of long, challenging, fun journey. I have chosen to follow a new path; a path that will require me to explore the depths of my commitment, endurance and physical and mental strength. Along the way, I will learn more about who I was, who I am and who I am meant to be by picking up more pieces of awesome and putting them together with what I already have. The best thing about this journey I'm on is that there's never really an end. Even if my body stops, my mind doesn't have to and I can pass along the knowledge I acquire to others who need it. To read the race report from this day, click here.
Moving from green, lush, mountainous landscape to a corn field was quite the adjustment. At 14, she hadn't considered the culture shock she was going to go through again. Because, hello, it's the States. The United States of America. She'd been there for 10 years before being plucked up and whisked away to a magical place that always looked like a fairy tale come true. How different could it be from Texas? She couldn't remember her birthplace, but Texas was about as close to home as she would ever get.
Being shy didn't help matters any. She had spent 4 years cultivating relationships with kids who were absolutely just like her. All military brats, all in a DoD school, all taking as many fantastical class trips to ever more foreign places. Now she would have to make friends with people who were from this little town her parents had moved her to. There were other brats there, sure. But there were also plenty of kids who had lived in that town their whole lives and never been outside a 100 mile radius of it. That's a type of life she couldn't even imagine. And definitely did not envy.
The first day of school was nerve racking, to say the least. She walked to her new school, found where she was supposed to wait (the cafeteria) and hang out until her next class. There were some other kids there. Why did she have to be so painfully shy? Finally, one of the girls came up to her and introduced herself. If you had told the girl at that moment that this new person with the long hair and thick glasses would be her best friend forever (or at least the next 20+ years) she would have laughed in your face. Because friends come and go so easily. You miss them for a while, but then you get over it. Move on.
In no time, she didn't feel so different.
But she never did get used to living in a giant cornfield.
