Saturday, September 11, 2010

Remembering vs. Reliving

I know where I was.
I have a vague idea of what I was doing.
I remember who told me.
I remember the rest of the day.
And the next.
I will never forget.
But I don't want to relive.
Please don't ask me.
You'll think I'm an asshole when I sigh and give you that look.
I lived on Cape Cod.
My husband was a Coastie.
The jets came from our base.
Our base was on lockdown.
A guy tried to ram the gate.
I kept my oldest son home from school.
I was scared.
Horrified.
Disbelieving.
The facts that came later were just as bad.
I don't want to talk about it.

I'll never forget.
I believe in honoring the dead every day.
What I don't believe in is reliving that day because that is a pain that is bigger than me.
That pain, for me, spans more than a day.
Or a week.

I REMEMBER.
RELIVING is too much.

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