A Dude Named Boo
Boo was a cracker jack lifter and wicked good tanner just like is broseph, Spanks. Spanks was from Texas and had this sweet habit of saying “yee-haw!” after a sick workout. Spanks was a huge goober, but Boo like the way he talked trash. If they stuck together there’s no way they would ever get smushy.
Boo’s girlfriend, Kitty, spent her days surfing tubular curls. Spanglish was her native tongue and Boo loved it. Everytime he saw her he thought, “Schwing!” and he felt a little funny. Sometimes he called her Boo Boo instead of Kitty but if she was sad he would call her Boo Boo Kitty because of the way she would stick out her sick bottom lip and pout.
Kitty was always trying to get Boo to lay off the booze and find more natural highs. She wanted him to chill with her without that toxic crap in him. Finally, she had enough and let him have it when he came to pick her up from the beach.
“’Sup, Kitty? Fun today?”
“Don’t you ‘sup me, boy. You’re wasted on shnazberry wine, aren’t you? Been hanging out with your homies straight drinkin’ all day, huh? Probably at Spanks’ apartment that smells oh so rank.”
“Holy shitaake, Boo Boo Kitty! Now you goin’ all church on me? Dang. And I was gonna take you out to that new sushi joint, too.”
“Psshhh. No you wasn’t, fool! You planned to sit around all night watching TV until that mac-attack hits and you roll out for some nasty burgers.”
“Bull honkey! I was totally taking you out. Fo’ shizzle! I already made reservations! I’m not drunk, woman!”
“For real? Dang. I’m sorry. My bad.”
“No worries, Boo Boo Kitty. I know you get bent because you love me. Now get in the cream corn car, girl.”
“Oh snap! Okay. But no shenanigans!”
3/15 Assignment: Now translate your slang story.
A Man Named Boo
In a far away land, there lived a man. A man named Boo. Boo was a rather large, bulky man and quite obviously enhanced by steroids. He originally bulked up when he was in the Army, mostly due to hiking so many miles in full tactical gear.
Among Boo’s numerous addictions were drinking to excess, weight lifting and tanning, and he usually did these things with his best friend, Spanks. Spanks was from Texas and amused Boo to no end. They always worked out together because neither of them could stand the idea of not having what they defined as perfectly muscled bodies.
Boo also had a girlfriend, Kitty, who spent her days surfing. Due to her Hispanic heritage, Kitty spoke an interesting mix of Spanish and English that was music to Boo’s ears. He loved Kitty very much and just seeing her would improve his day by leaps and bounds. He had nicknames for her, and which one he used would depend on her mood. If she was sad, she would pout which is why he sometimes called her Boo Boo Kitty.
Kitty loved Boo and wanted him to take better care of himself. She tried to teach him healthy, alternative highs, but he was having none of it. One day, she finally had enough and started a fight with him when he picked her up from the beach.
“Don’t ‘Hi’ me. You’re drunk aren’t you? Have you been at Spanks’ smelly apartment drinking with your friends all day?”
“Why are you being this way, Kitty? I came to pick you up and take you to dinner at the new sushi restaurant.”
“I doubt that. It seems more likely you planned to sit at home all night watching television and eating McDonald’s.”
“Kitty, I promise you, I am not drunk and I already made reservations at the sushi restaurant for us.”
“You promise? Really? I’m sorry, Boo.”
“It’s okay, Kitty. I know you love me and worry about you. Now get in the car so we can go to dinner, okay?”
“Okay, Boo.”
What do you think? Which do you like better? Clearly, language matters to you. Good work. ~Ms. A.
ReplyDeleteI think the slang version was easier and more fun to write. Language is definitely wicked important to me. ;)
ReplyDeleteUsing so much slang was quite a challenge and I felt I needed a dialogue to use some of the best words. When I tried to translate that for the second story, I think it lost something.